Emma’s Story: Jesus turns my mourning into dancing

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. I still remember the day we got married; I was so sure of my choice. He was the person God sent into my life, and I didn’t know that someone like him existed. There was a part of the lyrics of a song that said, 'When God made you, He must have been thinking about me,' and that was exactly how I felt every time I thought about my (back then) soon-to-be husband.

Fast forward to 6 years later, God has blessed us with 3 beautiful children, and He also provides us with everything we need. From the outside, we appeared to be one happy family, but no one knew that we were hurt and broken from the inside.

After our third child was born, we somehow became disconnected from each other. This significant milestone in our lives turned our world upside down and inside out. I constantly felt tired—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was on edge, easily angered, and it seemed that despite my efforts, nothing was getting done. The to-do list grew longer and longer, and I had no clue how to cope with the new situation. Small problems escalated into significant issues, and almost everything my husband did felt wrong. We argued nearly every night, engaging in fights where we threw things at each other and yelled at our children out of frustration and exhaustion. I was on the brink of giving up on our marriage.

I didn’t feel loved; it seemed impossible to love him anymore. I just wanted the fights, problems, and hurt to go away, leading me to consider whether divorce might be a solution to our situation.

But as a Christian, deep down in my heart, I knew that divorce was not the answer. However, my mind and my will said otherwise. I felt stuck, unsure of what to do. One day, my husband suggested couple's counseling as a possible solution. Initially, I was against it. Counseling seemed reserved for weak people. Why should I trust my life to an unknown counselor and believe they could fix it for me? Wasn't my faith strong enough to overcome this situation?

After a few days, I realized that my husband was right. Our situation had become too complicated, and I was too stubborn and arrogant to admit it. We needed help, someone to guide us through the tangled situation we were in. We reached out to Cherlene, and she agreed to help us.

During the first session, she explained how the sessions would unfold and what we could expect from the counseling journey. I began this journey with a sense of pessimism, but I endeavored to keep an open mind because I owed that to my husband. I had vowed to be a faithful wife and was determined to fight with whatever strength I still had (which, at that point, wasn't much).

Together with Cherlene, we delved deeper into our past individually and also explored our family history. It helped me understand myself and my husband better. To be honest, after the first four sessions, I didn't feel a major change. We still argued, and I continued to feel unhappy and uncomfortable throughout the day. Don't get me wrong; Cherlene provided us with good tips and advice, but nothing seemed like a 'magic' solution. I felt discouraged, and my mind was filled with thoughts like:

'Oh, this counseling session will take at least a year for us to see a change.'

'Is it possible for us to change? To stay together and love each other again?' 'Where is God?

Why is He not working His miracle?' 'I want to quit; it's enough; I'm tired.'

And then, we had a three-week 'break.' Cherlene assigned us homework, and after three weeks, we agreed to come back together and evaluate. In the first two weeks, I hit rock bottom. I had no energy left to fight. Despite knowing all the theories that Cherlene taught us, I still had no hope. I almost concluded that the best I could do was to avoid a divorce, to stay with my husband for the sake of the children. But who wants a marriage without passion?

On a Sunday, beginning the third week, I decided to start every morning with God, even if it meant just two minutes of silence before the kids woke up. I began my day with gratitude, speaking His word out loud, affirming that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I read His words and held the verses close to my heart. It is something that Cherlene remind us to draw close to Jesus and His Word.

At the end of the third week, I still cannot believe what had happened. On a Saturday, I attended a conference. On that day, I opened my heart again, and God touched my heart. I felt like I was reborn. I was drenched in peace from head to toe. He filled my heart with hope and gave me assurance that my marriage would be healed with Him at the center of it. It sounds like a cliché, but it was the truth! I thought my faith was strong, but the truth is, I had been relying on my own strength.

My to-do list didn't get shorter overnight; in fact, it stays more or less the same until today. But God did change my heart. Before, small problems become big. But now, big problems seem small compared to how great my Jesus is! In a blink of an eye, God changed my heart when I surrendered. He healed my heart, my husband's heart, our love for each other, our hope in Him, and in our marriage. Up until today, He is still working to shape our marriage and family.

I fell in love again with Jesus, with my husband, my children, my life, and my family. My husband and I realize that our life is not perfect, but we've made new promises. We are thriving and looking forward to what God shall do with us and through us. We surrender our life, what we have, and what we are to Jesus, believing that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.

Thank you, Cherlene, for sharing your time, your wisdom, and experiences. For praying with us and for us. For fighting with us and for us in the spiritual realm. I believe that we are now equipped and ready for our next chapter in life. All glory to Jesus!