Jason’s Story: Marriage from a new perspective

Marriage and couple counselling is essential to all individuals, so it is for me. This course helped me to see marriage in a very different perspective using the right lens, the biblical lens. Marriage is sacred and it holds a very significant role in representing my relationship with my Heavenly Father. In this paper I will be sharing things this course has assured me in my marriage and elements that need to be flushed out from my marriage as well. 

After this course, I started to see marriage challenges in a different perspective. I used to get upset and disappointed whenever conflicts arise and I sometimes question God on why my marriage isn’t working out perfectly. This course taught me that challenges are good because it helps us to build our character, mindset or even it could lead to a new journey God has for us, I have witnessed it as well. Since I have changed my lens to view conflicts, I now feel excited for it because there’s something good behind all conflicts, either a new thing comes in our way or I become a better individual. This is only possible if God is in the center of the marriage. I have learned not to sweep any issues under the carpet as it’s minacious to the marriage. I used to talk about what’s wrong in the marriage but now, the question is what’s actually missing. I have started applying it and it has been working out well by the grace of God. Understanding Ephesians 5:25 is vital. I should love my wife just as Christ loves me and how it made him lay his life on the cross for me, despite my sin. I should also love my wife in that manner and it’s only possible with Jesus. In view of the fact that it's only possible with Jesus, I should always depend on the Holy Spirit to lead my marriage. 

One of the greatest tips I picked up was on why most marriages fail and the alternatives. I will not criticize but give opinions in a friendly tone, no complaints but accept and be grateful, no contempt only respect, no pride but humility, no condemnation but affirmation, be transparent and be aware of what the Bible says about limiting boundaries. I am now applying those and my relationship is healthier right now. One of the core values that married couples need and I needed the most was Matthew 18:22, forgive seventy times seven times, which means uncountable which is totally impossible and only possible with Jesus. I always keep that in mind and it has saved me from many unwanted conflicts with my wife. Forgiving is tough and painful however it does wonders. After this course, I dare not to hold any grudge against anybody as it harms me spiritually and mentally. Forgiving heals my wounds. Tailing to that, setting healthy boundaries is a great take away. I was struggling not knowing what to do in order to avoid getting hurt constantly. Setting healthy boundaries is helping me to stay away from unwanted issues and it’s relieving. The courses have also cleared that setting healthy boundaries is good and it does not represent unforgiveness but a wise move instead. Setting healthy boundaries is a great solution giver for many of my unwanted conflicts I face.  

I believe one of the greatest marital doctrines that I came across was in this course, one cannot love Christ without loving his wife and one cannot submit to Christ if she does not submit to her husband. Our marriage represents our relationship with Christ. Ever since I heard that, I’m always concerned about my relationship with my wife as I know I can’t tell Jesus ‘I love you’ when I’ve got bitterness and anger towards my wife, so I would always want to keep things good and clear with my wife so that I can love Christ genuinely too. I’m now trying to work both my relationships well simultaneously.  

In addition, this course helped me to understand and process the loss of my late mother in law. My wife lost her mother 10 years ago and she still dearly misses her and she often shares beautiful memories she shared with her and her unforgettable scene where her mom passed away on my wife’s lap. She literally saw her mother slowly passing away. I often comfort her with common comfort words. However, this course helped me to understand my wife’s loss in depth and I can now relate better and comfort her in a more appropriate manner. My wife went through the 5 stages of grief and understanding this helped me to relate better with her loss. Another beautiful lesson I learned was to ask my wife to write a letter to her mother, write whatever she wants and would like her mother to know. I get her to do it verbally too. She did it with tears and she felt way much better after ‘telling her mom’ what she felt. Forever thankful for this precious knowledge I have received through this course that allowed me to help my wife with her loss. 

Furthermore, types of affairs got my attention. Seeing many marriages failing saddens me. I personally have seen married men and women going out with another partner claiming they’re just friends, it’s their business partners however observing their body language doesn’t show any sign of a casual friendship. Emotional affairs are common in this current era. Learning on emotional affairs is helping me to keep my distance and constantly be aware of signs that could develop an emotional affair. 

Understanding each other’s apology language is essential. Many times I have sincerely apologized to my wife but ended up hearing it wasn’t a genuine one and the quarrel begins. Understanding another person’s apology language will enable both parties to communicate better and it allows individuals to strengthen their relationship by forgiving each other in their preferred respective manner. I requested my wife to do the apology test and I have done mine in class. We’re now working on apologizing in ways we could understand and accept the apology. It’s fun knowing each other in depth and it is strengthening the relationship. On the side note, some great doable tips were given to strengthen the relationship such as, have regular dates, being honest and transparent, respect each other more and their opinions and be able to repair hurts and forgive quickly. To summarize it, married couples should have the fruit of the spirit as mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 in order to maintain a good and healthy marriage condition and to represent Christ. 

Moreover, in this course I’ve learned about the crisis with a child’s rebellion. This has helped me in different ways. First, is to understand and deal with the way I was brought up. My parents did a great job raising 3 of us, however there were some flaws that made me rebel when I was young and this course helped me to understand the reason behind it. My parent’s parenting style was the Authoritative style but there was some part where they were Authoritarian too. I encountered many fake promises. It impacted my wedding and my relationship with my wife. I also encountered, ‘Because I said so, Don’t ask why, How dare you question me’ and etc. They at times did not explain why their answer was NO but rather expected us to follow their rules blindly. Not all the time but it happens quite frequently. Nothing can be changed now, however understanding the reason behind it, the theory of their parenting style helped to forgive them and to forget the things they’ve done to me. After my marriage, they became more Authoritarian and things became very messy. I had many inner wounds that were not healed. It affected my relationship with them and it was hard to forgive. This course helped me with the healing. Dr Cherlene mentioned and spoke about forgiving others will help us to heal. The power of forgiving is amazing, it heals our wounds and sets us free. Healing took place during the lecture and I started to love my parents more and I started to not think about the pain they have caused. On the other hand, my wife and I are also expecting to have our baby, just waiting for the right time. This portion helped me so much to understand the kind of parents we should and shouldn’t be. We have decided to raise the kid with God in the center and never use the scripture to control or threaten them but to show that God is a loving God. We will understand who they are and their challenges, be approachable and not to scold them, recognize their peers and the most essential one that is to enable them to operate in the Sonship spirit. Learning about parenting and children helped us in other areas too. Me and my wife are private home tutors so we encounter different kinds of kids tagging along with various behaviors. This course helped us to be better Christian private tutors and we have started to handle kids in a very different way and by the grace of God we do sometimes get the opportunity to advise parents on the things I’ve learned in this course. This course did not just benefit me but the people around me as well. 

I would firmly say that through this course I was able to strengthen my marriage. The 5 biblical ways to improve a broken marriage is helping us a lot. Our marriage isn’t broken however applying them is making it stronger and helps us to maintain a healthy marriage. Firstly, is to make God the center of our marriage (Eph 5:32). Secondly, encourage and support each other with understanding. Thirdly, we help each other grow spiritually and in all aspects of life. Fourth, choose to love all the time as per the covenant we made. Last but not least, we choose not to go to bed angry but to sleep peacefully with a word of prayer. 

A part of the course dealt with my past sinful nature. I was a slave to pornography and masturbation during my schooling days however I’m not saved by His grace. Learning about the impacts of pornography in people’s lives and the sins that is intertwined with it is something very serious as it could destroy a person’s marriage, personal life and possible his/her future, it also dehumanizes us, it robs time, money, spouse, kids and most importantly it destroys us being the image of God. As I reflect on the past, I realize that it indeed impacted almost all of the above. Moving forward, knowing more about pornography addiction I am now ready to help people who’re addicted to it as I now know the terrible consequences it will cause and to help them get out of it and to make them know it’s only possible with Jesus. No other worldview that deals with pornography so accurately than the Christian worldview. 

Finally, this course cleared my doubt I had for the past 2 years of my marriage journey. The confusion was on who should handle finance in the family? My wife is way better in handling the finances and I’m good at following her instructions when it comes to finance. However, our cultural mindset has turned us in a way that men should hold the money. Dr Cherlene mentioned that it is okay for the wife to handle the money and there’s nothing wrong with it and it doesn’t not mean the husband is not the head of the family just because he’s not holding the money. I felt so much relief hearing that and I shared this to my wife and we clearly understood it. We now don’t feel weird doing it the other way round and we can encourage couples who’re struggling with this cultural mentality. I took this course to learn more about marriage and to counsel people; however this course benefited me way more than I expected. I spotted some signs of orphan spirit in me and I prayed about it and I am now free. This wasn’t just a general course but a breakthrough and deliverance course to bring light to many dark areas of my life and this course has strengthened my marriage and my personal walk with Jesus and I’m thankful for God and his servant Dr Cherlene.