Susan’s Story: Steps in overcoming intimidation

I had had symptoms of panic attacks for several years which came back. That was the reason I started counseling with Cherlene.

During the counseling I found out that I suffered quite a lot from dominant personalities. I noticed that I tended to lose myself with people who had strong opinions and to think that the other person was always right. I think this had been going on since I was a child, but there had been several occasions since then when I had suffered from this.

One specific incident in particular came back during counseling. An event that I had not yet processed well emotionally. A period before, I came into contact with a person who was very kind and helpful, but also had very strong opinions. Slowly but surely I noticed that I did not feel emotionally comfortable with him. I often felt inferior to him and felt that he was always right. Even though somewhere deep inside me there was a voice saying it wasn't quite right. I was losing myself more and more. I regularly felt manipulated and dominated. In the long run I was sometimes super afraid of him, and when I sometimes gave feedback about things I didn't like he would indicate why this was, and often indicated that it was because of something in me. Sometimes I became very rigid when I did feel strongly about something, but then again felt enormously guilty about my ways afterwards. I was very confused about the whole situation and in the long run didn't know what the truth was anymore.

In time, I got out of this situation. I had forgiven him, time after time I did, and in time I thought I had processed the situation. Until the counseling sessions with Cherlene. There I found out that I still had a lot of anger, sadness, and the feeling that I had been wronged. I got to know what lies were behind it. That I was afraid that someone else's opinion (especially if it was stronger than mine) was more important or better than mine. And also that God considered certain people more important than another while we are all made in the image of God, and He has no regard for anyone.

I learned more that I am loved and valuable. I really liked how this went deeper during a counseling session when I read Psalm 139 aloud. I was touched on a deeper level by the Father's love and compassion.

Another very important thing I learned during counseling was how important it is to set my boundaries properly, especially on an emotional level. Out of respect and health towards myself but also to keep relationships healthy. If I don't set my boundaries, another person can walk all over me, making me feel even smaller, not valuing my own opinion and losing myself in the process. That is not what God wants. He wants me to prosper, to stand firm and not be easily just taken away with every wind. I learned that even if someone has a different opinion, that doesn't mean my opinion isn't true. I also learned not to take the other person's responsibility on my shoulders. I learned how liberating it is to simply dare to say or question something that seems annoying to me. To also state clearly how things come across to myself. Without blaming the other person.

Finally Cherlene encouraged me to have a closing conversation with that person, to tell what certain things had done to me. And to express forgiveness and ask forgiveness for my mistakes. This was very difficult for me to do at first. I was super afraid that I would get a negative reaction and feel small again, or that I had made a stupid choice to do this after all. The uncertainty came up again. But after I had confirmation from God that this was a good step to take I organized this appointment.

I found it very challenging, and the outcome may not have been exactly what I had hoped, but the biggest victory for me was that I was able to give feedback several times about what happened during the conversation. That I was able to clearly and calmly state my boundary. And also with certain accusations or opinions that I could leave it with the other person and not lose myself in it. That was my biggest victory. I really enjoyed learning that I alone am in a position to do my part, and that the other person's reaction was not something I have to take responsibility for. That is something between God and the other person. And also that I noticed that a negative, accusatory reaction no longer affected me as much at all, and I could leave this much more with the other person.

It felt like I had taken a big step in overcoming the bump of intimidation.

I am very grateful for the counseling process, where I have grown closer to myself and God. I have grown in becoming more mature, to value my own opinions and to set healthy boundaries. I also experience the love, compassion and closeness of the Father on a deeper level.

Susan